My Dad is sleeping a lot, but is able to visit with company. The hospice nurse is finsihing up. Her assessment matches what I think as well. He has days to weeks left. What is most concerning is that he has transitioned so quickly to this point that he likely doesn't have weeks left. Again, no one has a crystal ball here. We only have experience of what other patients we have seen go through this process.
We have been open and honest with him about everything. As you can imagine, he still has his sense of humor, so you can expect to hear a few jokes about the fact that he is still "sucking air".....come enjoy the moments.....they are precious!
Wayne Green
Thursday, September 4, 2014
September 4, 2014
Seven AM and we all slept the last 5 hours. More importantly, we all are still breathing this morning. I woke up at 5 and checked on him. He was sleeping and breathing, so I didn't touch him. I wasn't sure that I could go back to sleep, but I did. He remains sleeping and breathing and again, I really don't want to wake him up. Sonja is sleeping as well and heaven knows she needs it too. So sitting in the back bedroom to give you this quick update. I think I will grab a shower and try to get a few things picked up and organized. Depending on how my Dad is when he wakes up will determine how I spend the rest of today. I do need to retrieve some things from the West Branch office if nothing else. I also know that his hospice nurse is coming this morning and I think I want to at least be here for that visit and review with her what I think needs to be on hand medication wise should he continue to go on this path we will need to manage secreations and we don't have a couple of things that will help do that. That was probably more information than you wanted. (as well as one long run on sentence...and I am tying this instead of fixing that....ha....)
I am feeling like he is hanging in there. Likely so that he can see everyone who has called to say that they are coming between today and Sunday. I will tell you that the extra beds are full starting tonight and through Sunday. So there is no room at the "Green Inn" at this time for sleep overs. Day trips are available and desired! Please come. Even if he rallys and enjoys a few more months, you will bring a smile to his face at a time that he is pretty low.
Ok....updates will continue every few hours until I know he is out of the woods.
I am feeling like he is hanging in there. Likely so that he can see everyone who has called to say that they are coming between today and Sunday. I will tell you that the extra beds are full starting tonight and through Sunday. So there is no room at the "Green Inn" at this time for sleep overs. Day trips are available and desired! Please come. Even if he rallys and enjoys a few more months, you will bring a smile to his face at a time that he is pretty low.
Ok....updates will continue every few hours until I know he is out of the woods.
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Resting comfortably
The bed is in the living room and he is asleep (ok, was asleep....now he is moving the bed up and down...oh my) Ok, I thnk he is comfortable again. I think Sonja and I are both afraid to go to bed. I think we both should though.....tomorrow may be a long day.....and I have a feeling tonight isn't going to be a walk in the park either. Will be calling my siblings in the morning......For Dad's siblings....he did ask at one point tonight if the Christmas party was this weekend. I asked why he wanted to know and he said, "well if it is this weekend, I may be able to make it". We told him it is next weekend and that this weekend lots of the grand kids are coming to visit. Ok....off to try to sleep....maybe in the recliner.....
September 3, 2014 - Take Two
It has been a rough night and about to get a tad more chaotic. It is nearly midnight and we are waiting for the DME company to bring a hospital bed. The fact that he accepted having a hostpital bed brought into his living room in the middle of the night is fairly telling. He can't catch his breath, he has a fever. I just gave him roxanol to help with his breathing and that is making him more comfortable. We are watching Jimmy Falon, waiting for the bed. The fact that he has a fever is bothersome as that often comes as part of the end of life process. I will keep you posted as things transpire. This could just be a bad spell and he will rally for a few days, weeks or months. My gut tells me we are looking at days. Please be mindful of his condition as you come to visit. The bed is here.......more in a bit
September 3, 2014
There are lots of calls coming in for visits for my Dad. He is very loved.....and he loves everyone. I want everyone that can see him to see him. Please be mindful of a few things:
1. What my dad is going through in many ways Sonja is going through too. (on a deep emotional level). She is a strong person and also private in many ways. You likely won't notice the pain she is feeling and all that she is dealing with.
2. Don't expect that you can stay the night here. Please ask Sonja first. If you have small children (whom my Dad wants to see very much) it isn't going to be a wise idea to spend the night here. Day trips are recommended. Obviously those who are traveling far Sonja will want to accomodate you.
3. Again, having company can be costly, please be considerate. Bring a drink. Bring some cookies to share. If you are unable to do that, please don't let that stop you from coming!!!!! (seriously!)
I say these things because he is not doing well. Again, please know that I have no magic ball and I have no way of knowing except for my experience in hospice care....I also will add.....that experience and the fact that I am his daughter are colliding on a rather uncomfortable level.......
More in a bit........
1. What my dad is going through in many ways Sonja is going through too. (on a deep emotional level). She is a strong person and also private in many ways. You likely won't notice the pain she is feeling and all that she is dealing with.
2. Don't expect that you can stay the night here. Please ask Sonja first. If you have small children (whom my Dad wants to see very much) it isn't going to be a wise idea to spend the night here. Day trips are recommended. Obviously those who are traveling far Sonja will want to accomodate you.
3. Again, having company can be costly, please be considerate. Bring a drink. Bring some cookies to share. If you are unable to do that, please don't let that stop you from coming!!!!! (seriously!)
I say these things because he is not doing well. Again, please know that I have no magic ball and I have no way of knowing except for my experience in hospice care....I also will add.....that experience and the fact that I am his daughter are colliding on a rather uncomfortable level.......
More in a bit........
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
September 2, 2014
I am working in West Branch this week. It is my last week as a consultant for the West Branch office so I am fairly busy. After having been with my Dad yesterday I decided to cancel my hotel and commute from Cadillac to West Branch all week. It should only take an hour to drive, but Houghton Lake is in the middle and that is about 20 miles of 40 MPH speed limit. so it is a good 90 minutes. Tomorrow I will be a bit more wise with my time and get here a bit earlier. Sonja plays cards on Wednesday night and I think that it would be a really good for her to keep that routine. So it will be Dad and I for dinner tomorrow!
Today started out a bit tough. Dad had a coughing spell when he woke up and it took him a long time (like 30 minutes) to get his breath back. I sat with him for a bit and he said that he isn't going to get the heart cath. I asked him why and he said that he wouldn't survive it. I suggested that we let the doctors hav a say in the matter and he agreed. However he has remained very firm on the topic and realizes that it really wouldn't help much and likely would do more harm than good. On one hand I am thankful that he came to this decision on his own and in time to not have it done. On the other hand, I realize that the one thing that he has been hanging his hope on he has given up.
What does that mean? Well, it mostly just means that he is living more in reality than in denial. He is living more for the moment, in the present moment, here and now, then he is in his future. This is a wonderful place for him to be. When ANY of us live in the future moments of life, or in the past moments of life.....we miss out on the beauty of what this life offers us right this very moment. My dad is enjoying those moments.
He does want to see people. In particular, he wants to see the great grand kids. perhaps that is his immortality speaking, to see them, hold them, touch the precious gift of life and pass on some of his love to them. Immortialized in photos to show the children when they are older, the wise and loving great grandfather they once visited with.
So if you have time....if you can take part of a day and make a visit.......the next few weeks are going to be some special moments for anyone who is able to visit with him. No one has any idea when God is going to call his soul home to be with Grandma and Grandpa Green, with Spencer and Joan......only God knows when that time will come. I can only tell you that he may be closer to that time than we want him to be. We simply don't know. I am struggling to find the balance between the professional hospice nurse and the daughter in myself........I do believe that I need to set aside the professional and just allow the daughter. Although, the 2 are not so easy to seperate. I just know....I will enjoy every moment that I have with my Dad.......and hope that I have lots of those moments left........
Today started out a bit tough. Dad had a coughing spell when he woke up and it took him a long time (like 30 minutes) to get his breath back. I sat with him for a bit and he said that he isn't going to get the heart cath. I asked him why and he said that he wouldn't survive it. I suggested that we let the doctors hav a say in the matter and he agreed. However he has remained very firm on the topic and realizes that it really wouldn't help much and likely would do more harm than good. On one hand I am thankful that he came to this decision on his own and in time to not have it done. On the other hand, I realize that the one thing that he has been hanging his hope on he has given up.
What does that mean? Well, it mostly just means that he is living more in reality than in denial. He is living more for the moment, in the present moment, here and now, then he is in his future. This is a wonderful place for him to be. When ANY of us live in the future moments of life, or in the past moments of life.....we miss out on the beauty of what this life offers us right this very moment. My dad is enjoying those moments.
He does want to see people. In particular, he wants to see the great grand kids. perhaps that is his immortality speaking, to see them, hold them, touch the precious gift of life and pass on some of his love to them. Immortialized in photos to show the children when they are older, the wise and loving great grandfather they once visited with.
So if you have time....if you can take part of a day and make a visit.......the next few weeks are going to be some special moments for anyone who is able to visit with him. No one has any idea when God is going to call his soul home to be with Grandma and Grandpa Green, with Spencer and Joan......only God knows when that time will come. I can only tell you that he may be closer to that time than we want him to be. We simply don't know. I am struggling to find the balance between the professional hospice nurse and the daughter in myself........I do believe that I need to set aside the professional and just allow the daughter. Although, the 2 are not so easy to seperate. I just know....I will enjoy every moment that I have with my Dad.......and hope that I have lots of those moments left........
Monday, September 1, 2014
September 1, 2014
I am sitting here with Dad and Sonja, watching Jeporady. We actually recorded a video to post on the blog of my dad telling a joke and my phone didn't have enough storage to save it. So we will try again. He has had a lazy day just relaxing. He has good days and bad days as I have said. I am going to check out his oxygen concentrator that they put in his bedroom. He said it was too loud and didn't work very well last night. I also told him that even having a fan moving air will help him breath better as well. So we have a fan moving air here in the living room.
Anyone who has ever had shortness of breath can relate and for those who have not experienced that yet, what you I hope you can understand is how much anxiety it creates to not be able to catch your breath. Anxiety is very debilitating. Being short of breath contributes to not wanting to get out and do much because you are fearful of becoming short of breath. For those of you who know my father, know how much sitting around all day annoys the heck out of him. I think once he finds that happy medium of doing what he can do and not getting short of breath, I think he will be much happier.
My dad has always been imortal to most of us. Defying the odds time and time again. He keeps fighting to defy them yet again. He is a fighter for certain! One thing that I do know for certain is that he has a very large team cheering him on!
Anyone who has ever had shortness of breath can relate and for those who have not experienced that yet, what you I hope you can understand is how much anxiety it creates to not be able to catch your breath. Anxiety is very debilitating. Being short of breath contributes to not wanting to get out and do much because you are fearful of becoming short of breath. For those of you who know my father, know how much sitting around all day annoys the heck out of him. I think once he finds that happy medium of doing what he can do and not getting short of breath, I think he will be much happier.
My dad has always been imortal to most of us. Defying the odds time and time again. He keeps fighting to defy them yet again. He is a fighter for certain! One thing that I do know for certain is that he has a very large team cheering him on!
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