August 19, 2015

One year ago today my father agreed to try hospice. Although the caveat was that he was first going to have a heart cath. I began this blog on this day one year ago to keep my family informed about his health and as you see below, I hoped it would be a long lasting blog about his life. Instead it turned out to be a blog about his death and my subsequent grief. I still shake my head in wonderment that he is gone. As most people who have lost someone that they love, regrets seep through the cracks in me.....I should have called him more, I should have gone to see him more......The truth is, I could have been a better daughter. Even with that being true.......he still loved me without condition. His love didn't lessen because I didn't call one week.........it just was....always the same....always warm and comforting. 

As I approach the one year anniversary of his death I will be posting each day as I walk the journey of his final days. I need to do this for closure. I will miss him forever, some days more than I can bare.....however i feel strongly that there will be a release for me in this process, some sort of letting go. There is a song that I often sing in the car, thinking of him.....it is titled "Can't let you go".......I will never let go of his memory, of his love, his laughter and hugs........but I can let go of the enormous grief of losing him. So this is my final walk through this grief. There may be times that I dip my toes in it again....but I won't be swimming in it :) This process will be capped off with a visit to his graveside on September 7th. His head stone was just placed this week. He is buried in Cadillac, so I don't get to see his grave. In fact I only went one time about 2 weeks after he died. I never really understood why people went to their loved ones graves......afterall, they are not there......just the vessel of where there soul resided is there.....I understand now......it is just a place to connect to him. A way to continue to care for him by planting flowers or some thing. I will be planning a little someting for my time there.

See you tomorrow...........

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

August 19, 2014

Today my Dad agreed to try hospice care. It was a big decision for him. Before he begins hospice care he is planning to have a heart cath done in the next day or two. I am starting this blog to keep everyone posted on his journey going forward. Each day I will create a post and provide an update. I will also share some thoughts and memories. I welcome you to share your thoughts and memories in the comment section. I know he will appreciate whatever you have to say! So the journey begins and I hope and pray that this blog lasts for years to come!