February 7, 2015

It is hard to believe that I have not posted since Christmas on here. I certainly have thought of my Dad every single day. I believe that he is my spirit guide now. I hear him speak to me often. I think he even blew out my engine with less than 2000 miles remaining on the power train warranty so I could have a brand new engine! That likely sounds obsurd to most of you. But knowing my dad, there isn't a doubt in my mind that he did that.
In many ways I feel a closeness to my dad that I have never felt. I longed for that feeling when he first died. I was nearly distraught not feeling him. And when I think about it now, I can touch that pain, it reamins close to me, yet it has changed and become something far more beautiful.

I will always miss hearing his voice (I listen to that one voice mail I have, just to hear it again) but I will miss hearing it for real...always and forever. I will miss his huge hugs, his scratchy whisker kisses and his never ending love and admiration of me...someone who fails on a daily basis......to him I was perfect.....even though we both knew that I wasn't....he still believed in me beyond reason.

I miss him. That will never change, but feeling his presence with me is a treasure that I will hold close to my heart and hope that he never tires of being near.

It has been 5 months......it seems like an eternity.........since I sat next to him in his living room....him showing me how he could till bowl on the Wii, just days before he left this world......I don't wish him back as I know he is somewhere whole and beautiful.......but I would give a very pretty penny....just to sit with him again for a few minutes.....hear one of his jokes, hear him say how proud he is of me, hear him say how much he loves me.......then I would say that I love him.....and he would say...."you better or I would have to beat you"......I can hear him now........in response to the question....."how are you Dad?" He would say....."REALLY good for an old fat guy......and.....it is true....he is doing really good.....I love Dad........I will miss you forever........Thank you for being near me......for being with me........I need you....but then....you know that already :)