In 30 minutes it will offically be 3 months to the minute that my dad died. I haven't been writing here every day, as you can see. I think about my dad every day. I miss him every day. Today, I just started crying for no reason.....my heart just became very sad.......and  I realized that Sunday was the 7th of December which marks 3 months since he left...died.....It feels as if he left.......just left. I hate that I won't get to talk to hi again.

I am not hanging on......I have moved through stages......I found myself at Gratitude and that made a big difference for me....just to be able to have gratitude when I think of him.

None of that takes away the fact that I am missing a significant person in my life. I feel very much like an island. I know that my father was the one who understood me....or at least loved me in spite of whatever it is that the rest of my family finds distasteful about me. He just loved me, even when no one else could........there was never that "tone" of disapproval.....never the silence that comes when I didn't do something right.....but no one is going to say anything.....they are just going to whisper and talk about it........Not my dad.....he would have said something.......he would ask me about it. He would want to know what was my side of things......and then..........that would be all. Even if he didn't agree with how I saw things.......he would still... LOVE ME.......and not hold anything back. I don't even know if my Dad liked me.......because it didn't matter if he did..........he just loved me.  Just......LOVED me............How incredibly fortunate am I that I had that....I really am grateful, so inredibly grateful. I really do wish that I could have had my dad with me in this life longer.....