Participate in creating new family patterns. The family system is often thrown into chaos and upheaval after a parent's death. Old patterns don't work with the same predictable results. The family may thrash around for months, seeking a new balance with one another. This is a brief window of opportunity, when the family is opened up to change before a new system is established. You can either be thrown into this new system or consciously participate in creating new patterns that are healthy for you. *Alexandra Kennedy*
This is what I have been struggling with to a large degree. I don't think that people realize that the loss of a member of the family can change things so much. In my case losing my Dad changes thinks far more dramatically.
In the process of trying to figure out what is the new best pattern for me I am being very mindful that by doing "nothing" also forms patterns. Thus I am being thoughtful to others in my family that are grieving the loss of our leader, the glue that really held us all together....while I sort through what I am feeling and how this new pattern should look, what is best for me while also considering the feelings of others. It is a very thin line to walk. It is also vitally important that I make the proper decisions.
Certain decisions could make me an island of sorts........I don't want that.......
It is interesting that this step is this far down this list........when this begins to happen almost instantly and something that you should be mindful of from the start.
I find it interesting that in many ways that we mature and evolve as adults can seemingly be erased or become dormant when we are back with our family of origin......as we revert back to our "place" in that family that we were as a child. Thus, with my dad dying, there will be movement in this......I want the movement in my life and my place in the famlly to be a postive one. That doesn't happen by sticking your head in the sand and hoping for the best....it really comes from doing......being present.....understanding what the needs are....understanding what MY needs are as well.........
It is much to think about........and incredibly important.