October 7, 2014

A day late and a dollar short! October 7, 2014 offically marked the 1 month anniversary of my father's death. As I wrote in the last few days, this seems to be the time that it has hit me.

It also hit one of my brothers as well......my heart hurt for him too. I was close to my father in the last 5 years. There is a long story to that, but we will leave it at that. My brothers have been close to my father their entire lives. Don't get me wrong. I loved my father my whole life and he loved me, we just had a much stronger bond the last 5 years. My brothers have always had that. They helped him complete work on his house, watch football with him, play golf.....they did a lot of things with him.

To see them miss him.....hurts my heart for them. When you lose one of your parents it touches very close to your own mortality as if your parent lived forever, so would you.....now that they have died you realize that you are "next in line" so to speak.

I believe that my Dad's death will bring us closer. Having each other is like having a small part of my Dad with us.......we share memories.....we share some genetic similarities.....my dad's blue eyes for one.....Just looking at my brothers face.....brings memories of my dad. So not only do we cling to the memories by holding on to each other.....we help carry the suffering that we each carry.

I love you my brothers......I love that you were always there for Dad.....I love that you would all get together and go up to Cadillac and take him golfing or side his house. I love that he would help you work on your houses and shoot a nail through his hand while on your roof......I love that you have those stories....I need to hear those stories too......stories from a time that I was more distant.......You are each a connection to our dad that I treasure. I treasure you for you as well, just for being you! And I know that our Dad was incredibly proud of who each of you have become. I am proud of each of you as well. I will always love you and I will always be there for you if you need me. Thank you for being there for me this last month, I have in many ways felt like an island and you each were a bridge for me at different times. A much needed bridge.