Yesterday was 4 weeks since my Dad's death. Yesterday and today have likely been the most difficult for me since his death. As I shared yesterday it if like I finally gave up my hope that it wasn't true and now I really do have to live without him for the rest of my life. That just, well....it sucks.
I did a few things today to remember him. I made some beads last night for just a short time thinking only of him.....so those few beads I am keeping......they didn't turn out exra special.....but they have the energy that I put out thinking of him.....That probalby sounds geeky, but I am not going to explain it....ha....it is like.........I just want to hold Keith and Calley's new baby Kyrin......like.....somehow.....he touched my dad before he was born and I want to hold him. I am not expaining that either.....some things just don't make sense and they just are.......what they are.
I couldn't get a hotel for tonight, so I need to get up early to get to corporate early in the morning.
I just feel....so out of sorts.....so.....not engaged with life.....or something. I can't even explain that.
Just lots of tears........and that is very likely a good thing.......
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