October 18, 2014

This song says what is often difficult to say.

Missing my dad...again it seems the weekends seem to be the worst.

I was thinking yesterday.....I don't understand when people say that "my dad is with me". I get that he is in my heart and I have the memories that I have.......but I believe that I thought that I would feel his spirit with me.........I don't. I am angry about this. Well....angry is probably the wrong word.....disappointed, sad......those fit better.

So the common belief is that you go to heaven after death. You are there with God and all of those who died before you. Other people believe that your spirit is "reincarnated" to another living being.....who knows when.  Either way.....how is that spirit ever going to be WITH someone? Seriously, think about it. Just those 2 options. First, you are in heaven, which is described as the most beautiful, peaceful place to be.....you are with GOD....AND everyone that you love that has already died. Do you really think that any spirit would have any desire to come spend time with us on earth? Particularly since they would be aware that GOD is taking care of their loved ones......so...party on right? Second.....you are reincarnated. Now, this has some plausibility as it is not likely that you are reincarnated instantly....so maybe you do have some time to hang around on earth, haunting those you love...........

I think that I am disappointed that I don't feel the strong presence of my Dad.

Another thing to report.....I went to my yoga studio today. Not in time to do yoga, but to see them and pick up some jewelry that had not sold yet and figure out what money I have made so I can send it to the funeral home to pay for the funeral. I have not done yoga since my Dad died. I am afraid to because I know that I will cry, likely uncontrollably. Yoga is very spiritual for me.....it touches my spirit.....and I know that performing yoga will likely release the grief in my soul........I am planning to go to yoga tomorrow. I cried just driving there today.........I think tomorrow is going to be a huge release......and that probably is a good thing....but it scares me to have that out of control feeling........

And.I.Miss.My.Dad.