September 18, 2014 - Dreaming

I realized when I looked at this photo of my Dad on my blog that it was taken in Ann Arbor outside of the Olive Garden where Dave and I had lunch with my Dad and Sonja. The thought startled me, realizing that how would we have known that this would be the photo used for his obituary?

I continue to "beg" my father to come talk to me. I dreamed about him last night. He was elusive I just remember him floating closer and closer to me until I could see his face......the face in the photo on my blog. I could tell though that his face was only there for me to know that it was my dad that I was seeing. His clothing or body was dressed and appeared to look like what I believed Jesus dressed like, I am sure another symbolic appearance to assure me that he was at peace. That is all that I can remember. I don't remember him saying anything, just him floating in straight to my face and then floating back out. I don't know if it was simply a dream or if he came to me in a dream.....I don't know.....he seems so elusive to me......I just want him to sit down and talk to me. I think I am too anxious about it. I am not relaxing into the new relationship that I have with my Dad. But I do feel that what I said to him as I sat by his grave last night, he "heard"what I said through my tears. I hope one day I can feel what his response was...............

All of my kids are coming to visit this weekend. They are bringing their significant others (except for one, Heidi can't come due to another committement) Sophia and Ayvah are coming but little Jonathon is visiting his new family in Chicago. I am excited, it will be good for me to have them around. Especially since I am ending this position and the wonderful relationships that I have built. I know that there are a number of people that I will be staying in touch with, I am just losing that work relationship where I actually get to see them regularly. The timing of it is interesting as it feels like a loss on top of losing my father. I am really hoping to not cry on Friday. However, knowing that I will be going home and my kids will be arriving later in the evening will bring a smile to my face. They are all going to their cousins wedding near Flint on Saturday and I get to baby sit the babies. Sophia isn't a baby....she is 3 and she is very smart and fun to play with. Ayvah is almost 4 months old and my dad was so drawn to her. He just wanted to hold her and bless her. He was able to do that a number of times before he died.