My husband had some sinus surgery today. It was outpatient. I have been a nurse for almost 20 years. So I have seen lots and don't get too bothered. Before surgery, I was feeling a bit antsy. After they called him back and I sent him off to surgery with a kiss on the forehead.....I realized that I didn't like the fact that my "rock" was going under general anethesia. I knew why, so I was able to deal with the feelings. But having only been 2 weeks since I lost my father, I wasn't in any position to have anything go wrong with this procedure. I also knew nothing would (99.9%) which is why this day is about my husband and NOT me! However for the purposes of this blog.......I am writing about these feelings for those who may also experience a form of what I would call post traumatic shock. Please understand that I am in no way comparing this to what those who actually experience post traumatic shock endure. It is simply a way with words that I can give some meaning to the feeling of not wanting something bad to happen to someone that you love after you recently lost someone you adore. (whew!)
Thus.....logically I could push those worries aside and focus on him. I could still feel them there and it nagged at me a bit. What I didn't expect was when I went back to him in recovery and he was expereincing a lot of pain. His heart rate was up, he respirations were down and my heart squeezed......at my stomach became tight.......and tears stung the back of my eyes. I didn't want to see him suffer. I rubbed his feet and scratched his back and threw away his bloody tissues. The nurse got his pain under control and we got him dressed and off to home we went.
I dropped him off at home and went to town to get his pain medicaitons. I come back home and he has cleaned up the garage, cleaned up the kithcen, made himself some lunch and was laying back down with a bloody nose. My worry turned to annoyed very quickly. He was a bachelor until 4 years ago....I suppose he thinks that he needed to take care of those things. I continue to nag at him to lay down and he continues to do things that I could do for him. He was getting some water for his cup and said "just for the record I think I am doing good by laying down as much as I am" And I said...."I could have gotten that water for you". He is damed if he does and damed if he doesn't. I just shake my head......seriously, does he not know that he needs to behave so he heals properly? And so that I know that I will have him around for a long time........ok....so it is about me! :) :) :)
I am thankful that he did well, thankful that he is allowing me to do a little bit......and I pray to God....that he behaves at least for the rest of the first 24 hours.......I need my "rock" back.