Have you seen that "status" on facebook (or other online sites) in regards to a relationship? "It's complicated". That would be the term for me today. It most certainly is complicated.
Every person has things that they deal with in their life. Often things from childhood. As adults I believe that we deal with those childhood situations and overcome them. There are times that things from childhood continue into the current day. This is when things get complicated.
I have decisions to make about how I will deal with certain aspects of my life going forward from my Dad's death. I am not in a hurry to make these decisions. However, by not making decsions, it is complicating my grief.
I realize I am speaking in some form of code. The truth is, there are some things that are simply too personal to put on this blog which may be read by someone other than myself.
So I am covertly trying to share how in the midst of our grief, there are other things that can complicate it and often that is out of our control. It remains important to be with our grief.
Something else that happened today is that my phone has been acting up and all the songs in my itunes suddenly were on my phone and I had no room left on my phone. I tried everything that I could to take care of the situation, to no avail. So I impulsivley hit "reset". I figured I could sync it, it all would be fine. It took a few hours....all in all.....and when it was finished....it hit me......my father's voice mails to me.............really.....did I lose them? Yes indeed, all but the last one is gone. I sobbed......just sobbed.
It's complicated....and then some.
PS....I am missing him something fierce today.......