This grieving process is going to be the first deep grief of my life. I loved my Dad. He had the gift of making everyone feel loved........and I know that included making everyone feel loved like they were the most loved. So my expereince with that was simply that, it really didn't matter what I did, if I stumbled or made a poor choice.....he loved me just as much. I never worried what my dad thought about me, I just always knew that he loved me. I have a natural tendancy, especially under stress to default to "no body likes me" There are a few valid reasons that I have that default and as an adult I can work with that. But no matter how stressed I was in my life, I never once thought that my did didn't love me. That default never included him. He was my "person". I have now lost that. That is a huge loss. It was really special though during these final days that my brothers stepped up to remind me of how much they love me. I feel so lucky to have brothers that learned from my father how to love.
Ok, this is getting very long. I am sorry. I do want to add a piece that I did not write. Lila Toney Fair wrote this on her facebook and it is so beautiful and accurate about my father that I want to share it with you.