September 7, 2014 - Morning

I want to share about my father's passing......somehow it seems far too intimate to put into words. I will say that all of his children that could be there were there and his wife....we created a circle around his bed speaking love to him as he moved from this world to the next.

I have prepared bodies for transfer to the funeral home on many occasions. It is always a true honor. This time it was truly a sacred honor as my siblings and I made that journey together. 

Once his body was removed for the trip to the funeral home. I knew that I must take my trip home. I needed the safe warm arms of my husband. I didn't have any sleep on top of 3-4 hours per night for the last however many nights......but I knew today was the only day I had to spend with my husband after having been hours away from him for nearly a week. It feels good to be home. 

My heart called out for my father to be with me as I drove. I didn't feel him.....I just felt empty. I spoke to my daughter as I was getting close to home and soon I felt him show up........My children are pretty amazing.....(really....I am so blessed both of my sons and my daughter have been there for me and supported me through communication and love). My daughter has a gift and I know that she helped me find my dad this morning. As I pulled into our driveway and came into the house.....I was greeted by the warm safe arms of my husband who just let me cry and talk....and cry some more. I know.....There is a hole larger than I ever thought possible in my heart and I will miss, forever the feel of my fathers whiskers on my face as he hugged me and kissed me, the callused strong hands that would grab hold of me and pull me tight into his chest and hold me until I knew I was loved.......

This is a photo of my father holding my hand before he died, I am so happy to have this.......

For those of you mourning my Dad's death, or any other loss. Feel free to continue to follow my blog. It may get a bit messy, but I will be writing a post every day for the next year to track my healing. 

Thank you and big hugs for all who have followed along. I appreciate the time you took to read (and yes, the spelling errors and grammar errors were terrible, but that should get better now!) and get to know my father and love him.